Trend Breakers

It has been commented to me several times over the last few years that I am "lucky to have real friends".  I was surprised by the sentiment the first time, a little amazed the second and then sad the subsequent times.  I often thought that it couldn't be that unique, but it can be for some.  Friendships require work on the part of both individuals, time and a common heart that desires to maintain relationships.  If you are the only one attempting to commit to the friendship then it will be very hard to establish deeper roots.  I have been blessed with people who have common hearts bent toward loving friendships!  I love and care for each one, knowing that they reciprocate the same toward me.

In our lives we have many outlets, but we also have more pitfalls--social media can create both.  Facebook is a classic example where we can feel like we are missing out, being left out or being called out.  If not used as an avenue for our good it can quickly become a tool for our hurts and destructive thoughts.  I, in my own life, have chosen to post only those things that amuse, build up, preach His word or share things that will uplift.  People that are negative are quickly hidden from my newsfeed, people that are mean are deleted...I have chosen to not allow the ugliness of others to pollute what I read and feed into my thoughts.

On the subject of friendship, I recently read Trend Breakers, Discovering and Choosing True Friendship in a Lonely World by Kelly Westerfield (full disclosure--we are friends via Facebook but I have yet to meet her, although after reading her book I think we have similar hearts and would make very good friends in real life!). Kelly discusses some of the areas of struggle to make, establish and maintain friendships that is reliant not on the trends or fallacies of this modern day but upon the deeper spiritual connections that draw us to the heart of God and each other.

The book starts off with her experiences and her desires and invites you to "make friendship a purposeful and necessary part of life".  Dispersed throughout the book are the trials learned while seeking out true friends, the lies told to oneself (She doesn't need me) the self-doubts (we have nothing in common), excuses (I'm too busy right now) and the deferral (She has enough on her plate right now) and offers the steps to begin building true meaningful relationships.  Bonus--there are recipes, ideas for meal planning and hospitality ideas for getting together.

I very much enjoyed reading her book and would like to share it with one of you.  I will be doing a give-away.  To enter tell me: What is the name of your first best friend?  Mine was Debbie Reynolds...not THE Debbie Reynolds but a little blond haired girl in Washington state.  It took me years to understand why my parents always laughed a little when I said her name. :)

Oh Lord you've searched me

I was talking to my youngest daughter about a few things, and when I say "talking" I mean disciplinary discussions about attitudes, and explaining to her my heart. The discussion centered around her keeping her room and bathroom clean but it encompassed so much more.  I explained to her that her room being messy every once in awhile is normal, expected even, since she is a child...but that to keep it that way is not desirable for many reasons. As I spoke I started pointing out some of the issues with a messy room:

•  it's hard to find the things you need or want to use
•  makes it hard to walk (safety)
•  shows little respect for your belongings
• it takes longer to clean up a when you've let your room get too messy
•  your forget what you have

As we began to clean her room together, she was reluctant to work...complaining some and even a few tears were shed.  But as the chaos began to be transformed into order and cleanliness she became happy and even excited.  In the chaos we found her missing iPod, her new shoes, a library book, some money and a favorite shirt that has been MIA for quite some time.  In her obedience to trust and obey she found many blessings and a few surprises.  

In my own life I have found the same principles to be true when I am not keeping my own heart clear of messes...when I let my life dictate my LIFE and I find myself knee-deep in emotional chaos.  Some of the issues with a messy mind/heart:

• it's hard to find the joy and peace I need to live the life to which I've been called
• it's hard to walk in newness of life that has been laid before me
• it shows little respect for the ones God has put in my life
• it takes longer to sort out the relationships and hurts you create
• you forget just what is is that you have

Daily, like with keeping a tidy room, I must clean out the things that threaten to clutter my heart and open my path to walk throughout my day.  When I do so, I often find unexpected joy, sometimes an opportunity to serve, a positive interaction with my husband or children, a new favorite song that makes my heart sing, and sometimes money that I left in the pocket of my favorite jeans!   In my obedience to trust and obey I find many blessings and sometimes a few surprises.  

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me" Psalm 51:10

This song...oh this song!!! has been speaking to me the last several days.

The first lines are "Oh Lord you've searched me, you know my ways.  Even when I fail you, I know you love me!

Release

There was a time in my life when 10am on a Thursday meant watching an episode of Little Bear with my oldest two, or Blues Clues with my son, or The Wonder-pets with my youngest....I still have tucked deeply in my heart the related characters and/or theme songs.  I loved those days...most of the time.  But if I'm honest, and I am, I can say there were days that I thought to myself "I am going to go crazy if I hear _____(insert "cat whine about duck getting in the way", "the mailbox song", or "The Phone...the phone is ringing") one more time!  I felt like the days were endless sometimes, the chores insurmountable and the vision of being an at-home-mommy felt like drudgery.  Now, 10am on a Thursday means that I am alone in a quiet house, the only sound is coming from the ticking of the clock and the clicking of my keys on the keyboard...and I miss Little Bear, Blue and Ming-Ming....not in a melancholy kind of way, but in a "that seems like so long ago" kind of way.  Its so easy to lose sight of today due to looking to tomorrow or gazing back at yesterday....it can rob you of your joy today.

And we have such trust through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient of ourselves, to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God, who also made us sufficient as ministers of the new covenant, not of the letter of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. 2 Cor 3:4-6

As mom in the midst of planning a birthday parties, picking up/dropping off kids at school or work, and doing the endless laundry that accumulates, I often have to remind myself that my calling is still to serve and to witness to my children on a day-to-day basis. Two of our daughters are drawing near to testing their wings and beginning their journey into adulthood...and this, if left unchecked in my spirit, brings me to tears fairly easily.  I have found that it's easy to look back at the Little Bear days as the "good old days" and forget the joy of "Pomp and Circumstance".  I have to fight the urge to cram every little bit of parenting and wisdom into each conversation.  It's when I fight these urges with truth that I am again able to rest in the knowledge that God is not only my sufficiency but theirs also.  And in that rest I can enjoy what is now...and helping them plan for tomorrow with joy and excitement on their behalf while reminding myself to cherish the days I still have with the younger two.

Being "In"

My life continually revolves around my four children, my husband, my obligations, my messes....all while being in the life He has called me to live,  who lovingly is guiding me to live up to the standards He has set for me.  It can be daunting, overwhelming and honestly often discouraging when I feel I am failing.  

The goodness of God is that He always finds very real ways to show His love and heart via my own.  Unfailingly, He brings teachable moments so that I must rehearse His words to another and in the process dig them deeper into my heart.  

A few weeks ago I had a child struggling with concepts in a few classes, with feelings of "stupid" and "not good enough".  This child, a very easy going child, ended up in the nurses office with upset stomach thereby requiring me to pick them up and take them home from school.  My spirit discerned that this was not medical but spiritual...and we all know "how you think determines how you feel".  When I began digging into this child's issue the Spirit prompted me to ask about their classes and experiences at school.  

"Are you being picked on?" --No

"Do you have friends with whom you hang out and talk to?"--Yes

"Did something embarrassing happen?" --Silence

"Are you having problems in any classes?"--Tears

For a child who so desperately wants to please, relishes in the joy of their parents, and likes to be a helper to those struggling...a lack of understanding in an area that seemingly is easy for everyone else and the resulting grades of struggling is devastating.  This situation was robbing the joy from the days, weighing down the hours and depleting all the life from morning to night.  The days were daunting, overwhelming and discouraging----feelings with which I can readily identify.
So often we judge ourselves and others by performance. Someone singing well, getting good grades, having a visually pleasing appearance, being the supermom/dad earns the mental and verbal applause of the community.  Someone working hard but only coming out on average doesn't provoke the same reward; a struggle or failure often garners the mental or verbal "boo" from us and/or others.  


God has had me camped out on this verse for several weeks:

Ephesians 1:6 KJVTo the praise of the glory of His grace, wherein He hath made us accepted in the Beloved.

There are so many nuggets of truth in this one sentence...so many depths of who He is and we are.  His grace accomplished our acceptance just by being "in" the Beloved.  We cannot earn His acceptance, we cannot posture for it nor can we cajole it...His acceptance is simply given because of His grace..and His grace is like breathing, it happens just because of who He is and His character, without effort or thought.


Our arguments of who we think we are and who we really are begin to look like this in the face of daunting, overwhelming, and discouraged:


But God....makes us accepted in the Beloved.
But God....calls us priests and kings
But God....who knew no sin became sin so that we could be called  righteous
But God...has set us apart, made us a holy nation
But God...we can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
But God...we are over-comers through the blood of Jesus Christ
But God...in our weakness He is our strength.


As I sat down with the verse from Ephesians I began to share with my child:

 "I love you simply because you are here.  My love and acceptance for you is like God's grace....it's like breathing...it happens without thought, without provocation and without your seeking.  The struggles are what makes us realize our need for Him, but His acceptance never wavers, His grace is always faithful.  It's our attitude and how we look at Him that changes our views.  Your struggles in classes made you also realize your need to ask for help from me and your father...but your view of us and our acceptance (or worry about rejection) is what kept you from asking for help. As you adjust your view of us and our desire to help you succeed, you will relax and simply ask.  God teaches me that daily, He wants me to simply ask for help with the trust and faith that He is ready to help me succeed. "

So often we lose sight of the vision the Father has for us but is faithful to give us opportunities to see His work in our lives...it's never about the circumstances...it's always about the life in them.  

They that wait....

The other day I was driving home from an errand when I noticed that, even though it was almost 6 pm, it wasn't completely dark..where just the week before the that exact time of day would have revealed a blackened sky and stars already glowing.  I was jubilant, as I often am, when I realized that spring is inching closer and closer. I long for the light, the warmth, the new life that springs forth each year.

This realizations mirrors the transformations that have been dawning in my heart as well.  God has used this time that my blog has been dark to do some deep workings in my spirit and heart and the light is dawning....the life has been budding in generous proportions and the warmth that He has given me for others is drawing me again to share His words, His plans and His life.  Happy Internal Spring!  :)