Staying on the Path

When my children and I take walks together it is often without a set path, we just start walking.  We may head out the door to see what is happening at the playground behind our home and then end up following the path that leads behind the school ending up down by the creek.  We will meander along, sometimes seemingly in circles and other times we may stay along the path until we find something that MUST be photographed. I had only been lost once in my life before I was a mom and knew that I couldn't allow myself to let this happen when my children were with me.  I enjoy these times with my kids, but i am also mindful of the direction we will need to take to return home, always with the "this turn then this turn" will get us back to familiar ground.  I enjoy the wandering but also crave the safety of being where I  belong.  I am an adventurer with very distinct homing senses; sometimes there are obstacles along these paths.  The creek may be swollen, not allowing us to cross.  Someone might stumble and fall, requiring a stop to treat the pain and the tears.  Sometimes the canopy of trees may block out the sun, making it hard to see the path. Still other times there might be a dangerous situation arise-a mean dog, a suspicious shadow or such.  All these problems may require us to redirect, to rethink and replan our route, but the destination remains the same--HOME.  My children have learned to trust me to get them where we need to be even if they are afraid or can't see the path.

In life we also have paths that we are walking, paths that have a distinct destination, but there often arises obstacles, distractions and dangers that may require us rethinking that path we are taking. Sometimes it may just be that we need to stop, treat the pain and treat the tears and others it may require us stopping, turning around and going back to a different pathway.  A few weeks ago there was a stumble in my heart, my spirit.  Circumstances brought pain and loss into my life via the loss of one of my dearest friend's husband and child, a family to whom my heart is deeply and eternally tied.  My heart broke, my mind was seized with fear and my spirit quaked.  I could no longer see the path and I couldn't see the Son in all of it, I was swathed in shadows.  I have spent some time questioning the path, doubting the path and even sat down for a bit needing to tend my pains and tears.

Finally I am finding the light on the path again, I do not understand why the path took the turn it did but I'm choosing to trust my Father to get me where I am supposed to be going.  I will stay on the path, continue to walk and believe...for who else can I trust if I don't trust the One who created my path. 

Today: March 03, 2010

Today we celebrate.  Today we celebrate my youngest daughter's birthday...she is now 7.  SEVEN!  She, in all her seven-ness, has requested for lunch a McDonald's cheeseburger-ketchup only.  She has asked to have Dr. Pepper for her lunch drink.  She has chosen Krispy Kreme for the class snack (her's being the only one that is chocolate iced and custard filled) She has chosen to wear her new outfit that Daddy took her to buy yesterday on their special Daddy/Daughter shopping trip.  She fell asleep listening to the iPod her bought for her...it is, of course, PINK.  She has another loose tooth, this will be her 7th lost tooth.  She told her Daddy last night, with a choked up voice, that "Today was terrible, and then there was you and it was all great" and then she hugged him. And held him and she teared up.  And he teared up.  And then she smiled a glorious and loving smile and put in her earbuds and walked off to bed.  Yep, she's a bit dramatic...nothing bad had happened that day, but she couldn't find the words to say how special her time with Daddy....terrible to great was the only analogy that she could find.  It got the point across.  :)

Happy Birthday sweet girl!  I'm off to buy a webkinz, book a party and then call Stacey for a long ago promised cake.

Etching out some time for me

I've been very busy, even though this is my first week off of work, with projects and of course birthday breakfasts, lunches and dinners.  :)  I'm not complaining, but I am busy.  As I type I am squeezing a few moments for myself before I pick up kids, drop off kids, pick up different kids, run one to cheer, pick another up from practice and somewhere in there make dinner, update a couple of web items for a project, upload and order some prints for an art show and, and, and.......
But right now? I'm etching out a moment for myself with a cup of coffee.  I hope to post more later, but if not...well, I think you'll understand.

Leaks, Patches and Restorations

Our pipes have decided to revolt this week....and spread their watery deluge upon our ceilings and wall and carpets. Not once, but twice. Yep. Twice. Two different pipes in two parts of the house affecting four ceilings and two rooms of carpeting. The leaks were both caught rather quickly, so damage was minimized...but damage was done. The amazing part is that we were actually home saw the damage done, was able to trace the water to their originating places and get them handled quickly. Because of the first leak, all the necessary items for repair was already on site. The first leak was in an obvious location, the second could have gone on for a prolonged time since it was in a mostly unused area of the house...which could have caused a great deal of damage and cause us to incur a rather large expense. Because of the first leak, we knew who to call, where to look and was actually more aware...more open and ready to spot a problem. The work will take a week or two to repair, but once finished, all will actually be better than it was.

Our spiritual lives are often like these leaks. We see the damage, the outward signs of trouble, but sometimes we have to do some work to find the leak. There is, sometimes, two leaks going on at the same time, but without the awareness of the first, the second might not be caught as quickly. Without the first, the second issue might not be noticed at first. My husband and I have been reading a book called Humility by Andrew Murphy. It's a good book, one that has been touching our lives in different ways. I've enjoyed the book, it's been good...but my husband, well he has been deeply touched by it. As we have been discussing things I've noticed his countenance changing and his mindset switching. It's as if there was a leak going on and with God drawing his attention to one area he's become more aware of the other areas that He wants to tweak. I get it, God did this with me when I read "Hinds Feet in High Places". I had been struggling with life and all that I had been through. I had lost my trust that the path He had me on would take me someplace good, someplace that would make my life better. As I read that book I began to see the paths were there to make me more aware, make me more compassionate and at times make me stronger and more resilient. It took me becoming more aware of the path and the stones that were tripping me up that kept me from falling the next time. As I walked the path of learning to trust God revealed to me a second leak that had a greater potential for damage, left unchecked could have caused a great deal of damage to my spiritual life and marriage...I had not released my heart from a hurts in my past. But God, in His mercy, brought my heart to the place were I was looking for the "leaks" in my life and was ready and willing to fix that problem once I knew that it was lurking there. There was some tearing out that had to be done, some patching that was needed, but end the end...I came out on the other side better than I went in.

For Today: January 29, 2010

Outside my window...a winter storm has moved in, bringing with it snow...continual snow and an early release from school.

I am thinking...that my in-laws are going to have rough drive here tonight.

I am thankful for...warmth, health and the plan that God has for our lives.

From the kitchen...last night chili was made ahead and tonight going to prepare chicken...can not have enough prepared ahead when the in-laws are coming

I am wearing...my favorite hoodie, jeans and my hubby's slippers

I am creating...much...much...much

I am going...nowhere! Everything has been canceled due to the weather.

I am reading...Humility by Andrew Murphy and Rule #1 (STILL...a lot to take in)

I am hoping...always

I am hearing...Dr. Phil in the background..he's talking about people who have a need for others to know their lives (rather ironic as I blog)

Around the house...a new Eden Pure heater (love it), freshly cleaned carpets and the impending arrival of the aforementioned in-laws.

One of my favorite things...my wacom tablet. Its so handy and helpful with photo editing and designing.

and now...a photo :

10 years ago....now...10 years from now

Looking back...I am amazed how much has changed in 10 years. We had two little girls and a brand new baby. Our house was smaller and our income was just starting to increase.

Now...We have four kids. Our first is a driver, our next is about to get her drivers permit. I am approaching 40!!!! We have been married almost 20 years.
We have been working our way through a national recession but God remains faithful.

Looking forward...I will have two kids out of college (most likely), one in college and a new driver. I might even be a grandma by then. I will be approaching 50. My husband will be about to turn 50. We will be married almost 30 years.

We were thinking...that we needed a bigger house. We had outgrown our house...our new baby was still in a cradle but we were soon going to need a room for him. We were blessed, God had taken care of us financially and was allowing us to finally pay off our debt. We were starting to get to a good place in our marriage..it has since blossomed to a wonderful romance.

We are thinking...that God may require us to move again, maybe sooner than we think. The economy has slowed, but God has not...the next 10 years will be ones that will prosper due to the discipline He has been building in us the last two years.

I am thankful for...the growth of our family...not just our core family, but with rungs of love and growth. We added another child in the last 10 years. Relationships have changed and become something that I had only prayed would happen. I have reconnected with friends from the past that has brought a tremendous amount of joy!

We are praying...for direction, wisdom and guidance as we make decisions and changes in our lives.

Struggles...10 years ago...losing weight
Struggles...now...weight, but it's in process
Struggles....10 years from now..hopefully it's beat by then. :)


Now...some photos...
Ten Years Ago:


Now:

For Today (Tonight) : December 29, 2009

Outside my window...A dark night with a chance for snow...makes the kids happy, me not so much.

I am thinking...I should probably plan something for dinner.

I am thankful for...a warm home!

From the kitchen...who knows. I'm so tired of the "what's for dinner" question

I am wearing...jeans and my very old (have had it at least 20 years) sweater cardigan.

I am creating...some photo collages and calendars

I am going...to need to go grocery shopping soon, it's been a week and we are out of all laundry soap, and dish soap not to mention food items needed

I am reading...Humility by Andrew Murphy and Rule #1 (STILL...a lot to take in)

I am hoping...always

I am hearing...hillsong

Around the house...the Christmas trees are still up and decorated and will be for at least two more days.

One of my favorite things...my new shark steam mop! Got it for Christmas, it's wonderful. Bonus? It comes with a carpet skimmer to use to deodorize.

and now...a photo of our first white Christmas in 10 years

For Today (Tonight) : December 1, 2009

Outside my window...A dark night with a drop in temperatures occurring throughout the day.

I am thinking...about how to do some new things on a website on which I am working

I am thankful for...the day I was able to spend with my husband, and how blessed I am to feel about him the way that I do.

From the kitchen...Scallops in Cream sauce (My husband told me to be sure that you are thanked Angie!), Cheese stuffed chicken, salad with bleu cheese crumbles and roma tomatoes, homemade guacamole and bread.

I am wearing...my "skinny" shirt and khaki's...(bought the shirt a year ago for inspiration...and it worked!)

I am creating...some ornaments demonstrated by Angie (photos will be attached)

I am going...to be very busy the rest of this week! (Two cheerleaders with practices, two performances, a basketball game, a basketball practice, church, work, a night out at Art Walk, a Christmas party and a drive to and from St Louis for one of the mentioned performances)

I am reading...Humility by Andrew Murphy and Rule #1 (still...a lot to take in)

I am hoping...always

I am hearing...the music playing from the playlist @ mixpod.com

Around the house...I've been actually decorating for Christmas...even put a cute tree upstairs.

One of my favorite things...my wacom pen/tablet...makes editing photos and drawing much easier.

and now...a photo

For Today, November 23

Outside my window...Sunny but less than warm...in other words, it's November

I am thinking...how thankful I am that we have a warm house and ample supply of coffee

I am thankful for...the readily available items to meet of all our earthly needs.

From the kitchen...Pepperoni Pizza and Chicken Parmesan Pizza and break sticks.

I am wearing...jeans, my favorite Ralph sweatshirt

I am creating...(trying) to create some ornaments demonstrated by Angie

I am going...to the Discovery Center tomorrow with the youngest's 1st grade class field trip

I am reading...Rule #1 (still)

I am hoping...always

I am hearing...the football game my husband is watching

Around the house...my wonderful fall flowers in my ball canning jars...they make me smile

One of my favorite things...Pumpkin Pie Andy's custard! YUM

and now...a photo to share from my archives:


the door from the library to the coffee house next door.


http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

Thanksgiving

As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches (at lightening speed) I have been feeling pressed within my spirit to think daily of those things for which I am thankful, as are many of you. For God's love and mercy, for my family, my friends, His blessings and tender mercies.
While I was pondering this today I kept returning to the words of a hymn that would pop into my thoughts. It rolled its way throughout every thought I had, it invaded every nook and cranny of my morning. It was my constant tune in my ears and spirit.

And then I received the news of an acquaintances loss yesterday, a father lost to a mother and two daughters in a car accident. My second daughter has gone to school with the oldest daughter since 5th grade. The mom is a friend of one of my dear friends. I was reminded then that this years Thanksgiving will be one of new loss for them, and hurt and pain. But God,in this, can also be found peace, and rest and healing and even thanksgiving for what they had known. Not right
away, maybe but that is my prayer.

Jesus, keep me near the cross;
there a precious fountain,
free to all, a healing stream,
flows from Calvary's mountain.

Refrain
In the cross, in the cross,
be my glory ever,
till my wounded soul shall find
rest beyond the river.

2
Near the cross, a trembling soul,
love and mercy found me;
there the bright and morning star
sheds its beams around me.

3
Near the cross! O Lamb of God,
bring its scenes before me;
help me walk from day to day
with its shadow o'er me.

For Today: November 16, 2009:

Outside my window... The rain has arrived again, taking with it the wonderful warm temperatures we've been enjoying.

I am thinking... That I need to vacuum again...two dogs, four kids..enough said.

I am thankful for...The way God has blessed my life. He has given me a Victor's confession in place of a victims mindset. My life flows with abundance of blessings.

I am wearing...Jeans and my favorite coral colored sweater

I am creating...a website, blog, editing photos from two photo sessions

I am going... to be very busy for the next few weeks...

I am reading... Rule #1 by Phil Towns, about to be reading Humility by Andrew Murray

I am hoping... always :)

I am hearing...my keyboard clicks, and the sound of "Joan of Arcadia" in the background

On my mind... my husband's job, my job, my children...and waiting to see what God is going to do in each of them.

From the kitchen... coffee. Later, Chili.

One of my favorite things... the Iphone. It's so many things in one.

The rest of the week... Cheer practices, work, editing more photos, taking more photos, working on some more projects and hopefully some time with my family.

Pondering these words... To be a victor in the midst of circumstances we must be able to say "but God"...example: There are negative circumstances in life but God intends for me to be victorious!

A Photo to share


My youngest



I saw this on a friends blog and loved it, she got it from the link below:

The Simple Woman's Daybook

Searching for Home

Lately, I've been busy. Not the typical busy, the "I'm going to explode if I don't get a second to be alone" kind of busy. The kids are all going four different directions, and then factor in work and a new project that I've been tackling (one that requires a lot of learning) and the normalities of home life (laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning). I've entered the house, left the house, re-entered the house, etc...but I've not been home for sometime. And because of that I've been short tempered, I've snapped at the kids, I've been excessively tired, I've been feeling sad...but I hadn't realized why until this morning. Sitting in my big chair, with the sun streaming in the window making my arm warm and the clock quietly ticking in the background, the aroma of coffee wafting in from the kitchen, I realized that I've not truly been home in quite some time. I've been here, but not been present. I have been missing home, looking for home but have been falling short of landing here...in the quietness of the moment, spending time with Him before I spend time with everyone else in my day. When my visits and time with Him are rushed and fit into the schedule, I find my day turns out the same. For in Him I find my rest and peace...He is my home. Without my home being made in Him, everything else will fall short.

Beauty in structure

Liver Life Walk Oct 24 2009
Originally uploaded by Jean 1.

Recently, during a visit with my Mother-in-law, while we were talking about life and change she remarked "You know, as I was driving home it struck me that there can be great beauty in dying. I was thinking about all the beautiful trees this time of year, all the colors and variations, and then I realized that these leaves are only this color because they are in the process of dying." I agreed and we went on but the remark stayed with me. In the life of a Christian one goes through varying degrees of death...death to self, to pride, to agendas, to sin and so on. Often, within this death process we find it scary and sometimes even fight against the change.
The day after the conversation I came upon the tree in the photograph. I found it devoid of all its leaves already in a park surrounded completely by trees in full autumn regalia however this tree, bare of all its splendor, held for me the greatest beauty. Without is covering one can see the intricate weaving and workings of what has taken years to develop. The limbs, both great and small, had just recently been covered with multitudes of leaves but now, it is the structure, the core of what held up the leaves that contains the full beauty, something that has been a work in progress for more years than the temporary covering of leaves it recently held and, in the spring, will hold again.
Yes, death can create beauty, and more often, reveal the even greater beauty of what has been happening underneath it all.

test

Healing

When I was a child and I or one of my siblings would come down with some illness our mother would get us 7up and jello as our "sick food", sometimes we would also get chicken noodle soup, but always the jello and 7Up.
When I was in high school I came down with the flu, a rather vicious strain of it that had me up one nigh at all hours, miserable. Dad was gone on a two-week job driving truck, so all the care and responsibility for all six children lay on Mom's shoulders. 9 hours of her day she had spent working at the pants factory, the rest of the night she had been caring for us. I remember little else about that night but the site of Mom walking down the middle of the street illuminated only by the street light, wearing her robe and slippers, to buy a couple cans of 7up from the vending machine at the community center since it was 2am and all the stores were closed in our small town. She didn't complain, she didn't grouse, she just did it like it was the most normal thing for a woman to be out at the time of night armed with nothing but a handful of change and a flashlight.

As a mom, I have come to view that early morning walk as so much more than a quest for 7up. Each step, I know, resonated with love. She stepped out a cadence of "I love her, I will care for her, I will get her whatever she needs" so loudly that it beats still today within my heart...even as I sit here sick eating jello and drinking 7up (and gatorade) remembering that walk with gratitude and appreciation.

Bishop and Pastor

Bishop and Pastor
Originally uploaded by Jean 1.

A week from tomorrow our Pastor, Spiritual Father and Founder of our church body transitioned from his natural body into his spiritual body. He was 80 years old and the picture of health. He was often heard to say "I do not want to live one minute longer than God's plan for me." He passed away after a day that he often described as his perfect kind of day...a walk in the morning with friends, a game of golf on a perfect weather day, swimming with family and friends and a nap with his wife of 60 years. He went to sleep and awoke in the Presence of the Lord.
Today, we celebrated the life of our pastor, a life that brought many people to a deep and true understanding of who we are in Christ. During the memorial service it was repeated over and over again about how he changed lives and helped others.
For Rob and I, we came to the church the very first Sunday after we were married. We knew that this man was speaking things we had never heard before, things that had the potential to change us for the good. Things like:
1. We are the righteousness of God in Christ. Because of this, we can live a righteous life and have security in knowing that God will help us to live that way.
2. We can have freedom from sin. Freedom from sin meant that we could ask God to change us in ways that we thought were destined to plague us for life.
3. We have been given all we need for life and godliness. With His Spirit we could walk by faith into the life He has planned for us.

For 18 years we grew and learned and continued to mature, watching Bishop (the name the church called him...Bishop means "Shepard") and imitating him as he imitated Christ. We watched him walk in forgiveness towards those who wronged him, Learned how to love those we don't really like, began to practice the joy of speaking words of love and encouragement to others. He was truly a great and godly man. He will be missed deeply, but oh how wonderful to know that he is in the continual presence of the King!
"He who is joined to the Spirit is One with Him!"

God knew

In September I took a job that was scheduled to last for three months, just a fill-in for friends while one of their employees finished her schooling. Not a problem, I can do anything for three months.
God knew, it was all a part of His plan. The day I started work ended up being the day my friends turned bosses left town for almost all of those three months due to medical necessity. I jumped in feet first and began the process of learning what I would need to know to run the company while they were out of town.
God knew, He empowered me. I asked questions, I learned quickly and worked. As things began to right themselves I became more and more invested in the company. I was given more and more responsibility. I began to wonder how the young lady was going to be able to return to her job that no longer resembled her job since I had been given 4x the responsibilities that she had handled. So I prayed about what we were to do. I was ready to hand back over the job, but also ready to stay if that's what God wanted.
God knew, He had made a plan. During the same months of my three month stint my husband's job became unsure in the marketplace (he works for a GM dealership). The extra income was a handy supplement to his income at the time when we needed it most. When the end of the three months approached we all began to pray about direction for this job position. And when I say "we" I include my friends/bosses, the young lady for whom I was filling in and myself. In the span of time, God gave direction for me to stay on as the office manager, her to move on to the pursuing a vocation in which she had just obtained her degree from college and we all to continue supporting each other through prayer and supplication.
God knew, He had made a plan. Each day I go to work and am reminded that He had this job in mind for me. Where I had seen only the short term when I agree to be their fill-in, He had designed for me to partner again with people with whom I could join my faith, invest my time and talents and contribute to a company that I strongly supported with more than just time.
God knew, He had a plan, a purpose and a provision for all my needs.

Happy Birthday to my youngest

 


On the 3rd of March, my daughter Jae.don (who I usually refer to as Christi[a nickname from her middle name]) turned 6. The entire day before I found that I was rather emotional about her having this little milestone and kept telling her, "come here and hug Mommy....I'm saving up your five year old hugs" or "let me kiss you again, I need another 5 year old kiss". She'd roll her eyes and smile and then oblige me. Her daddy thought he'd help things by saying..."Today she's five, before you know it we'll be at her wedding" and then he'd wink at her. She laughed for awhile with him and then she'd run back over to me and sit in my lap. That night before bed she climbed in my lap and snuggled up like a baby and just rested there. I could tell that she'd been longing to do it all night, but was trapped between wanting to be big like all her siblings and wanting to be small and still be the baby. So I held her and tickled her and talked baby talk to her...her giggling the entire time. It was a very sweet and wonderful time for both of us. After a bit she climbed down and went and got into her Daddy's lap. There she just laid on his chest and wrapped her arms around him. They didn't speak, joke or giggle...they just sat. Their hearts did the talking, what I call "heart-speak" After a time gave him his goodnight kiss and headed off to bed.

Its in the reflection of those moments where my own Heavenly Father speaks to me about his love. I'm so much like her in my day to day. I rush from one commitment to the other, often toting kids, stuff and life. I am often taking care of today while I'm planning tomorrow, next Tuesday and next month all in the same breath. To get all accomplished, it must be this way sometimes. But there are times where I forget that the "now" moments are what are shaping next Tuesday, and next month, not to mention next year and so on. I need to have moments of just quiet rest and playfulness. I need to remember my childishness. I also need to climb into my Daddy's arms sometimes and just sit and hold and be held...no words are needed in those times, it's all "heart-speak".

“From the rising of the sun, unto the going down of the same…the name of our Lord is to be praised”



The other day I wrote about starting my day, today I write about ending my day.
Like many moms, my days are quite filled with work, housework, kid-taxi, and personal interactions. By the end of the day I am usually drained…depleted…I’ve given all and it shows. I’ve been making a conscious effort in my mornings with all of my children and it has helped them and me be more positive and radiant throughout our days. But… by the time 4pm rolls in I am starting to go downhill, thus so do the children.
This week while driving one child to cheer practice (a very peppy child) and then later another to a different cheer practice (a very grumpy child) and later helping one child with homework (a very distracted child) and even later helping the oldest child work on an issue (a very tired child) my mood deteriorated to grunts and moans and, I must confess, eye rolling. And then. I logged onto Facebook to check on a friends status (she’s going through a very difficult time) and began to leave a message of encouragement. It said “I’m here for you, I’m praying for you and your family.” And it’s true, I have been. But I had not done so for my own family that day. I re-evaluated my state of mind, because in that moment I found that I had let life once again determine the mood and tone of my home. I had fixed the mornings, but the evenings were now to be taken to task. As always, the Holy Spirit was right there to realign and correct my spirit and to give me my evening song. My children’s moods lightened, my night felt less heavy and I began to relax, I even sleep more peacefully than I had in awhile.
Last night I slipped back into my old habit for a bit until my evening song popped back into my head and I began to right my heart, spirit and actions. I am ever grateful and thankful for the mercies of the Lord, they are new every morning!

Making a start

In the morning when I rise...in the morning when I rise, in the morning when I rise give me Jesus. Give me Jesus, give me Jesus. You can have all this world, please give me Jesus.

Each day I wake up, wake the teenagers and walk to the kitchen to make coffee. I'm rarely happy to be awake...to be honest I'm usually very grumpy about be awake so early in the day. In these early times I begin the engagement of battle between mood and mind. I am often spared conversation since my girls are engaged in the process of readying themselves for the day, usually sparing them from any infection of my poor state of mind.
Once the girls have left I have 15 minutes before I wake the next two children to ready them for school. My next two require more of me, more of my words, my time...So I work harder for them.
As I sat this morning, coffee in hand I was convicted with my lack of effort for my older two children. Why do I feel that the oldest two no longer need my input? Do they not need spiritual guidance? Have they arrived and grown so much that they no longer need a word of peace, love or joy to start their day? If anything, they need it more. They need the Word, Life and Truth pumped into their environment and mind and spirit as they begin their day...preparing them for their journey into the battleground of High School/Middle School.
I, too, need the Truth and Life to start my day, more than coffee, more than sleep...I need Jesus.